A twist in fate
by catch the wind
Summary: What if Leah and Sam could be together? READ!
1. Chapter 1

You know that tiny voice in the back of your mind that picks at the little negative things held in your brain? Yeah, well that tiny voice was screaming, like a broken record; chanting the words 'your fault' in a disgusted tone that made me sick. It was like a drill, provoking the decay to cause more pain than necessary. However, the drill worked. It helped me realize that my father's fatal heart attack was caused by me.

Of course my brother had taken part in it but relinquishing this sort of pain wouldn't grant me any laughs today.

I watched him from the visitors waiting room as he clasped our father's fragile, limp hands between his own - our father's hand looking strangely small by comparison.

"I'm sorry," Seth whispered and that was all it took to make me leave. My eyes were filled with hot tears that ran like acid down my cheeks. I sprinted down the Emergency Room's corridor with my hands blindfolding my eyes, I was unaware of where I was running too and I didn't care.

I had to leave.

"Leah." I heard a voice say, a voice that once sent my heart soaring.

Sam.

I turned to him, the sound of his voice wrapping around me like a caress. The fact that he still had any affect on me made me want to scream but I bottled it up and managed to keep a calm face.

"What?" I asked, biting my bottom lip as I watched the concern, for my father I assumed, fill his features.

"I'm sorry," his tone was uncomfortable which made me think that he rather be spending time with Emily.

I ignored the strong urge to stick my tongue out at him and cause a scene right there but this wasn't high school anymore and Sam and I were no longer together. He wouldn't put up with my attitude, nor did I expect him too. He didn't need to anymore but sometimes I wished this stupid imprinting thing didn't affect us.

Naturally, I stopped myself from dwelling on the past and put on a strong face with a hint of Leah attitude.

"I bet." I said, tapping my foot as if I was running on a schedule. I wondered if he understood the double meaning of my words.

"I meant…" he paused and sighed, collecting his thoughts. "I meant about your Father." So he did understand. Good.

"Of course I'm sorry about many other things but we can't discuss that right now, Lee-Lee."

My eyes widened to the familiar name. It must have slipped because he never called me that. He hadn't since we dated.

My eyes were wide with shock when I heard him mumble something that sounded like 'Leah' but I wasn't sure, I was still stunned by his slipup. I was caught off guard… which was rare for me, I usually always had a quick remark but this was different.

"I-I didn't," I paused, tripping over my words wasn't a smart idea.

_Snap out of it, Leah! It's only Sam, only the love you lost…_ the voice inside of my head started to drill.

I sighed.

He got to me and he knew it.

Did this hurt him as much as it did me? Of course it didn't. His heart is to his new fiancé. My cousin slash former best friend.

The thought made the pain intensify, stabbing at my heart like tiny knives.

"Look," I breathed, "I didn't mean that. I know you're sorry, for a lot of things. You made that clear. But I caused this Sam and I don't need your pity."

Sam took two steps closer, walking with graceful caution.

My heart started pounding in my chest.

_Thump, Thump, Thump. Sam, Sam, SAM!_

I seriously hoped he couldn't hear it but I knew he could.

"Leah, you don't understand. This isn't _your _fault."

I interrupted: "are you trying to say this is Seth's fault?" I was getting annoyed but the sound of his laughter calmed my nerves, I misinterpreted, apparently.

"No, I didn't mean that. You're young, Leah. Well, not young but you know what I mean, I hope. You're new to this. Hell, no one expected you, of all people, to change. You haven't mastered control yet, not a lot of people are gifted with that sort of luxury when they first phase. I understand you won't ever forgive yourself,"

Images of Emily's scarred face flashed in my mind. I held in a shudder.

"Your father was a good man," he continued and ever so slowly - almost hesitant - he intertwined his hand with mine and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm going to miss him but he wouldn't want you to act like this. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself. He loves you and loves who you are going to become. You have to let yourself be that person, but you can't if you have this guilt blocking your path. Forgive."

"Forgive?" I questioned.

The word seemed foreign on my lips. That was a bit hypocritical to say for someone who hasn't forgiven themself for harming Emily… for hurting me, but I took the advice into consideration. His attempt in amends was very well played but he knew the way I felt. I couldn't be around him or Emily, I just couldn't stand there and watch the eyes that once loved me love someone else. It was agonizing.

I pulled my hand away from his and pressed my back against the corridor wall, sliding down to the floor with my knees pulled tightly to my chest. I rested my head against my knees and for the first time, in a long time, I let myself cry.

"Why are you here?" I asked between sniffs, It sounded muffled since my head was still glued to my knees but he understood. He slid down beside me, resting his hand on mine, again, and cupped my face between his rough hands, forcing me to look at him, and said: "I needed to see you."


	2. Realizing the lost

His hands were coarse against my smooth skin. I wondered what he had been doing before he came here. Was he with Emily? Is Emily here? Probably, I thought, which stirred up my question.

"Is Emily here?" I asked blankly.

His hesitation was brief but there was a hesitation.

"Yes," he whispered.

Maybe he was trying to save my feelings. To be honest, at this point, I was surprised I still had any emotional feelings left in me.

"Then go back to her," my voice came out more harsh then I expected but I didn't take it back.

"Lee-Lee…"

"Don't call me that!" I shouted, backing away from his grip on my face.

"I-I'm sorry," he said.

"No. You're not, Sam. You keep saying that but you're _not_. I know sorry, I'm always sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be more perfect for you, I'm sorry I couldn't be Emily and your imprint. I'm sorry for killing my father, I'm sorry for phasing. I'm sorry you have to listen to my crap all the time. The only time you're sorry is when you have nothing else to say. You're happy with Emily, Sam so why be sorry? I see the way you look at her. You adore her, like you once did me but I know your love for her won't just magically evaporate." My voice was on the verge of hysterics.

I was shaking.

My body was like water in a pot.

Boiling as the fire rage increased.

_Shit!_ I cursed.

_Stay in control, Leah._ I thought.

_Stay in control, don't lose control, focus!_

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I needed to master this, I could fight this.

_Don't phase. DON'T. PHASE._

_My shaking calmed._

"_Leah…" He said._

_He moved closer to me and I scooted back. _

_I didn't want to be touched._

"_You're right." He said, voice calm._

"_What?" I asked._

"_You're right. I am happy with Emily but you can't compare what we had to what me and Emily have." He stated. "What we had wasn't forced, it was natural. I loved you, Leah. Don't ever believe I didn't. I still do, Lee-Lee. When I see you hurting like this it pains me. You're a beautiful woman, Leah." _

_He moved closer this time and I didn't flinch back._

_His hand cupped one side of my face and I inhaled his scent. _

"_If what we had was so natural why couldn't you stay with me?" My voice cracked._

"_I would have but… you don't know what it's like to imprint. You don't understand the feeling." He defended._

"_Tell me, then." I demanded._

"_It's like… you feel whole, for the first time in your life. I never realized anything was missing with you, Leah. I didn't think anything was, but when I saw Emily that day… she made me recognize the missing piece. It was her and-"_

"_Stop." I interrupted. "I don't want to hear anymore." I said, my eyes watering._

"_You need to, Leah." He said, smoothing gentle circles into my cheek. "This could happen to you and when it does…"_

"… _when it does?" I urged but he shook his head. "Will you be mad?" I asked._

"_No. Of course not. I'll be happy for you." His eyes weren't on me anymore. _

"_Look at me and say it." I told him._

"_I can't." He said._

"_Say it." I demanded._

"_Leah, I can't! I can't say I'll be happy for you, you're going to love someone else and forget what we had."_

"_You haven't forgotten." I contested._

"_No, I haven't, but you will. You're stronger than I am, Leah. You always have been."_

"_I have to disagree," I chuckled, wiping at my tears with the sleeve of my shirt._

"_I love you, Leah. I do. If this imprint thing didn't exist we would be together, forever. Don't get me wrong, I love your cousin, she's beautiful and brilliant and a damn good cook but like I said, what we had came naturally. Imprinting gives you a feeling of absolute bliss but love that falls into our laps doesn't fade. Ever."_

"_Maybe if I was a damn good cook you would have fought this thing." I laughed._

"_Make dinner for me, sometime. It's a possibility." He laughed his familiar, playful laugh._

"_You just want free food." I nudged and then sighed. "I should probably get going." I said. "Seth is probably wondering where I am and I need to see my dad." My voice was weak again._

"_It's not your fault, remember that. We'll talk later." He said and before I could scramble my way up he cupped my face between his hands, again, and kissed my forehead. _

_His lips lingered there for several seconds, a familiar touch that I missed._

"_I've lost everything." I whispered._


	3. Searching for forgiveness

Only two visitors were allowed in the room with my father at a time but I shooed my family away.

I wanted to spend this time with my father. Just me and him.

A father daughter day that was surely going to come to an end.

My dad was unconscious. I put him into unconsciousness and he was going to die and it was my fault.

Not Sam's.

Not Seth's.

**Mine.**

"Hey, Dad." I started, and so did my tears. "Can you hear me? I need you to hear me. I need you to understand how sorry I am. I didn't want this." I smothered my face in my hands, rubbing at my moist eyes. "Answer me, Dad. Please." I begged, desperate to hear his voice.

I wanted him to live, I wanted him to tell me that he was going to be okay.

I wanted so much from him but he couldn't give me anything. He was a vegetable and I knew it.

But how could I face it? I killed him.

_Your fault._

_Your fault!_

_YOUR FAULT!_

The drill's taunting proceeded with its chant.

"Dad… listen. Listen to me. Hear my voice. Squeeze my hand. Open your eyes! Do something!" I begged, again.

"Please." I took his hands in mine. "Please," I said again. I put his limp hand on my cheek and kissed his palm. "Just because your heart is weak doesn't mean you're not strong enough to fight this." I whispered.

His hands stayed in mine for the remainder of the time until a nurse told me visiting hours were over.

The nurse escorted me out to where my family was sitting and the first person my eyes focused on was Sam. And Emily was no where in sight.

Did he stay for me?

No, he stayed for my father and my family. My parents, even after the break up, still respected Sam and treated him as apart of the family. Of course he didn't come over as much unless Emily popped in to say Hello, which wasn't often. Considering she knew how I felt and how hard it was on me to see her with him.

Two pains shot at my heart again. Pain for Sam's ignorance and pain for my dad's silence.

I needed to get out of here.

I walked towards my family and gave my brother, Seth, a hug. He clung to me because only he knew how I felt.

How exactly did I feel, though?

My feelings were unimaginable and unacceptable. My dad wouldn't blame me. He wouldn't even dream of blaming Seth. Seth was such a playful and gentle person. His heart was kind and his intentions were honorable. What had happened to our father was not our fault. We couldn't control it.

Convincing myself was going to take some time but, unlike my father, I had all the time in the world.

"Did you tell him I'm sorry?" Seth whimpered.

"This isn't your fault, Seth." My focus was on Sam now. "He had a weak heart." I told him, stroking his untidy hair.

"B-but…"

"Shh," I shushed him. I didn't want to hear my brother's apologies. If anyone was going to take the blame for this it would be me. My brother was too young for sorry. I was the older sibling. I had to set the example, take the blame, be the hero. "We should get going," I suggested.

"No." He pouted.

"Yes." I said. "He forgives you." I said.

"No, he doesn't! How can he, Leah?" Seth yelled.

I tugged at his arm and pulled him aside, away from our audience.

"Seth, this isn't your fault. Understand that. You didn't tell yourself to phase. You didn't even know!" I said.

"It doesn't matter! I killed him!" Seth said, upset.

"Seth…" I reached for his hand but he snapped it back.

"Don't touch me. Go away. I'm staying here with Dad."

"Seth, you can't. Visiting hours are over, you'll get in-"

"Trouble?" He finished. "I don't care. This is _our father_, Leah. I'm staying." His eyes went from harsh to soft. "I'm staying." He murmured and before I could stop him he ran.

"Seth!" I yelled!

"Go away!" He was going to go see our Dad. I watched as a few nurses started after him and I charged at them.

"Don't touch him." I warned. "I'll get him, don't worry. Just stay away" I glared.

"Leah, we understand your father's condition is hard on you and your brother but you have to follow the hospital rules." The nurse said gently.

"Your rules can go to hell." I said. "Stay away from him. I'll bring him back, just go sit behind your desk and pretend to do something useful. You're not needed here." I said harshly.

The nurse's eyes went wide, she whispered something to the other nurses and they walked away.

I started running down the corridor, again, and when I reached the last corner I could hear a faint noise.

_Oh no._ I thought.

_Please. Oh my God. Please, don't be him. _

_When I grew closer to my father's room the noise became more clear. A million and one possibilities popped into my head. _

"_Seth?" I asked, before turning into the door frame of my father's room._

_The noise was coming from his room. The beeping wasn't short._

_It didn't match his usual heart rhythm._

_His heart had stopped and my father was gone._

_My own heart was pounding in my chest. It silenced my families cries and the nurses quick steps._

_My brother crashed into me as he ran out of the room, his tears soaking my shirt._

_When you lose a father, or any family member for that matter, everyone close to that person dies somehow too. _

_I was a lost child living in an inanimate family._

_My brother's grip tightened on my shirt as I pulled him down to the floor with me. I hugged him close, desperate for forgiveness._

"_Will you forgive me?" I whispered in Seth's ear._

"_Will you forgive me?" He asked in return._

_I kissed my brother on the cheek, shocked he didn't pull away in disgust and said: "Yes. I will." _


End file.
